


The Avian Model of Grief

by Kynurenine



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-31 02:38:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21052346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kynurenine/pseuds/Kynurenine
Summary: The break of dawn.





	The Avian Model of Grief

Haseul absolutely hated doing the dishes.

She never outright said so, but there was rarely a time when it was her turn to do them that she didn't stall one way or another. Sometimes she'd take the ice cream out and drag you to the couch to watch a movie until you both forget, and sometimes when the day isn't one that leaves you both bone-tired, she'd drag you to the bed for a different kind of dessert instead. 

You would wash the dishes in the morning anyway. It proves quite the introspective activity. There's something about the rhythm of it that gives you ample space to think. And when you finish, Haseul would wake up to the caress of your cold, pruned fingertips against her cheek, with a teasing lilt in her voice calling you grandma before she burrows back into her dreamscapes.

It's a nice memory. Reminiscing about your former lover while swirling the suds above the dishwater would make for a nice scene, if not for your ruinous hands, the tremorous blur in the picture. They shake, nearly uncontrollable as they have been for a while now, hence the recent habit of stuffing your fists into your pockets and taking deep breaths until they grow still. 

The doctor couldn't find a cause that isn't stress or your recent addiction to coffee, which you think is completely warranted. Haseul's departure has rendered you lethargic, like the fact that she's gone – disappered round the road's bend, like the sun briefly vanished below the horizon – is only a dream. Perhaps you're only meant to play along until the eventual waking, when you will startle awake and find yourself back in Haseul's arms. It's just a bad dream. 

Until then, you're washing the dishes with hands that threaten breakage. With the chill of morning slipping past the open window, the sun barely up as you start the careful rinse... The thinkspace that opens up during the chore was always a double-edged sword for your worrywart nature. Now you cannot help but wish the break of dawn would wash everything perfectly clean again, would douse you awake from the nightmare of pretending that Haseul is merely warm and lazy beneath the covers of your bed and not at all cold and still buried underneath the earth. 

Hence, in the absence of pockets, of a gentle embrace, you splay your fingers deeper into the water and close your eyes.

Inhale. You imagine if Haseul were here, she would have taken the place of coat pockets and tap water, would have gently taken your restless fingers and clasped them between her own, pressing a kiss onto the anxiety-grown furrow between your brows. 

Exhale. Slow and deep, as if you were asleep. 

Inhale. It is morning here, but you wonder if it is morning as well in the world where Haseul waits. Is she sleeping? Or has she grown into a far earlier bird than you ever were? 

Exhale. Sunlight drags lazily across the webbed cracks of your windows. The tremors stop, and you wait for aftershocks that don't come.

Pulling your hands from the water, you find yourself blinking away tears. They mar the picture, blur the frame. A split-second scene: Your hands come up feathered.

**Author's Note:**

> loona please come back and bring my sanity back with u thanks


End file.
